Andes Mountains to valleys to rolling hills to flat road marathon
THE SPRINT PHASE :
When the kids were young there was no break.
It was constant. The “break” you got as a full time mama amounted to about 2.5 hours and that I call a “SPRINT” - running from the grocery store to appointments and around the house picking up after the littles. It was a go-as-hard as you can in the shortest amount of time SPRINT session.
THE VALLEY:
When they get to middle school and begin to gain independence, all of a sudden you find yourself in a valley. You start to have a little more time for yourself. You dare to ask yourself, “what do I want to do besides be a great mom?”
High School flies by with school events, sports, drivers license, first dates, activities, clubs, prom, graduation... crying in the car sometimes, squeezing them a little harder, and hugging them a little longer.
And then they are off.
The world is their oyster. You let them spread their wings, while wondering what this next phase of life looks like.
This phase is called the ANDES MOUNTAINS:
That’s where we are right now. Let me create the visual.
The Andes Mountains are strikingly bold and beautiful. They jut up into the sky with power and beauty, ready to launch. They have a sharp peak at the top and aggressively slope down into the earth.
This is how it feels as an empty nester in midlife.
You have 3 or 4 days of nothing but quietness - an odd feeling after years of a bustling house. And then BOOM! You get a call from your emerging adult, and the sharp peak of parenting burst up again after the lull.
Why is this up and down so challenging for us and them?
Because this is one of the most challenging parts of parenting. It’s LISTENING.
It’s keeping your mouth shut and letting them vent. It’s allowing them space to just BE with you, without making suggestions, if, on the off chance, they ask. The trust is different. They are young adults now. But they still need to know you are there.
Both young adult children and the parents have their own “range” of Andes Mountains in this relationship.
The young adult need to vent, cry and spill everything out while you listen. Then they immediately feel better and move on with their day, their friends, their classes (most of the time).
BUT YOU? You carry their sadness, their heartache with you. You think about it. You try to think of ways you can help even hours after the call. You pop your eyes open in the middle of the night with the card you want to write to them or the package you want to send them.
You find yourself crashing down that back side of the slope in your own range of the Andes Mountains fast - because you are holding them in your heart with a heavy love. Part of me never wants that love for them to change, but I do want to learn how I can not let my life, my routine, my health take a backwards step - and remember taking care of myself is just as important through it all.
I’m working at practicing on not letting my health EVER take the back burner.
It takes a lot of effort and a lot of work.
3 things that I do when I don’t know how to help:
I take a walk outdoors. No music. No podcasts. Just me and the fresh, cold air.
I get a cup of herbal tea with a little fresh ginger and I listen to a few of my favorite songs.
I text my kiddos at 8pm and tell them, “I love you all” and turn the screen off early (on do not disturb, unless it’s a call from them)
At this stage of midlife, stress comes on quick and sharp, like those Andes Mountains. So it is important to have systems in place to manage the stress in a healthy way.
Prioritizing sleep, staying away from alcohol during the week, and walking outdoors are 3 ways that have helped me.
And I hope they might help you too.
Remember that any stress that comes your way no matter which phase of parenting you are in you can always walk it out, talk it out, and work it out. Cheers to you mama!
